It's the little things that add up and make anything in your life crappy.

Today is a very good example.  It started with little sleep, a flat tire and then a broken register system at work.  The middle was alright, with a little meeting in there and a bit of bitching and smoking a cigarette then a joint. It was nice.  I ended the afternoon with a much needed nap, have yet to break out of it and am still thinking about everything that I can't handle today.

I know you are reading this and thinking that a joint and a cigarette don't help the mood or the ability to handle these little things. I agree, however, I also understand that there are days when the little things have been adding up and adding up and then all of a sudden one day you wake up and it's just been too many little things for too long.  You can't get angry because that is not proactive, you can't ignore it and you can't face it. So, taking a breather today, remembering that life is not about this day or what happened in it.  Life is about all the larger things and what they mean to me, who I am and how I handle these little things that add up into bigger things and how I handle those.

Life is a toilet bowl. It keeps getting filled up with shit, sometimes it gets flushed sometimes it doesn't, but in the end you have to keep cleaning it out.


All of that being said, I did end my relationship due to the little things because quite frankly in that environment, these little things really are big things.  I want someone who is going to take care of my heart, my mind, my soul and of course and always my children. I want someone who can hear what I say and know that that isn't always how I feel.  I want someone who is going to talk to me about how they feel and what is going on in thier world.  Someone who is not just sitting on the deck drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette for the rest of thier life.  I want someone who is going to love me for me and not try and get me to wear a business suit or cocktail dress because that's what they are looking for in a woman even though they wear and love Jorts (jean cut off shorts with a load of rips and stains).  I want someone who loves my body and appreciates it and all the work I put into it and get out of it.  I want someone who is going to pick me up when I'm tired and put me to bed instead of leaving me on the couch because they know that that is going to hurt my back later.  I want someone who understands me.

Is there someone like that?


I believe there is.  I also believe I may have found him.

it's 2:30 in the afternoon

And my boyfriend is still asleep in bed... What The Fuck? I have cleaned the house, done the dishes, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, made coffee, checked my email, facebooked, called a friend, folded 3 loads of laundry and STILL... he is asleep.

This is not alright with me.

On another note, it was sort of nice outside this morning and now it is just grey. Grey grey grey. I am so sick of the grey. This is the time of year that I start to get really sick of Washington. I just don't understand why it has to be like this. I miss the days in the

middle of winter in California when it would be sunny and warm and you could go on a bike ride or a walk and maybe only wear a T shirt. Those days are so rare here.

Tara, my roommate and I planted a potato we found in her compost pile over the summer before I moved in. We pulled up what we could find the other day. They are small potatoes, but I think we are going to let them sprout and plant them again this year.

well shit

It's been awhile hasn't it?

I apparently am no good at writing on here very often anymore. I all of a sudden have a really busy schedule and I guess I just keep forgetting to get my ass on here. However, in the spirit of new beginnings.... Here goes nothin'.

Update: The kids are great. They're 4 and 5 respectively. It shocks me, Adrien is a good marker for how long I've been here in Washington. 5 years. 5 years away from my family and the life I knew so well. Now, I can't imagine living back in California away from the family I've created here.

Me, I'm no longer at Whole Foods. I could not stand that job one more second and instead I found a really amazing job working with a local coffee roaster and tea company. They needed a baker and well, I needed to bake. I am living with my best friend Tara, Brandyn and a friend, Matt. We have a pretty large house and there is enough room for the kids. I know this seems unorthodox to probably most of the readers here but what would you do if you couldn't afford a place on your own? Would you rather live on the street? Nope and me either!

Well, I am going to sign off for now but I will be on here again soon. I can feel it. It's time.