Wednesday, May 9, 2012

It's the little things that add up and make anything in your life crappy.

Today is a very good example.  It started with little sleep, a flat tire and then a broken register system at work.  The middle was alright, with a little meeting in there and a bit of bitching and smoking a cigarette then a joint. It was nice.  I ended the afternoon with a much needed nap, have yet to break out of it and am still thinking about everything that I can't handle today.

I know you are reading this and thinking that a joint and a cigarette don't help the mood or the ability to handle these little things. I agree, however, I also understand that there are days when the little things have been adding up and adding up and then all of a sudden one day you wake up and it's just been too many little things for too long.  You can't get angry because that is not proactive, you can't ignore it and you can't face it. So, taking a breather today, remembering that life is not about this day or what happened in it.  Life is about all the larger things and what they mean to me, who I am and how I handle these little things that add up into bigger things and how I handle those.

Life is a toilet bowl. It keeps getting filled up with shit, sometimes it gets flushed sometimes it doesn't, but in the end you have to keep cleaning it out.

All of that being said, I did end my relationship due to the little things because quite frankly in that environment, these little things really are big things.  I want someone who is going to take care of my heart, my mind, my soul and of course and always my children. I want someone who can hear what I say and know that that isn't always how I feel.  I want someone who is going to talk to me about how they feel and what is going on in thier world.  Someone who is not just sitting on the deck drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette for the rest of thier life.  I want someone who is going to love me for me and not try and get me to wear a business suit or cocktail dress because that's what they are looking for in a woman even though they wear and love Jorts (jean cut off shorts with a load of rips and stains).  I want someone who loves my body and appreciates it and all the work I put into it and get out of it.  I want someone who is going to pick me up when I'm tired and put me to bed instead of leaving me on the couch because they know that that is going to hurt my back later.  I want someone who understands me.

Is there someone like that?

I believe there is.  I also believe I may have found him.

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