To my life. Everyday I feel a little confused about something or other. I think this applies to everyone though. We all have moments in our day when we need to stop and think.
This morning I couldn't sleep (big surprise, I know). But I started to think about my schedule and how much I like it paralleled with how much I hate it. The two really are equal to each other I think. I like that I am able to get as much done as I can possibly get done everyday, it feels good to be successful, physically at work while also knowing that the work I do is helping the rest of our team get their work done successfully. Unfortunately there is also this looming cloud of just sheer frustration with this schedule. I have a hard time sleeping, I hardly see my friends anymore and the worst thing is that when I have my kids I'm exhausted. I still do everything we want to do with them but I'm just so tired when I have them that I feel like half a parent. Wierd image in my head now of what I would like like as half a parent. I would be just my upper torso, there mentally but not quite able to do everything physically and sometimes it would switch. Go brain for some odd visuals.
I have been missing my Grandma a lot lately. It seems to be a theme in my family though because one of my aunts sent all of us a recipe question and now my cousin, Amy started a blog dedicated to her recipes and other family recipes we all love. It's here, called Love, From Grandma's Kitchen. It is truly beautiful. Grandma's food was her way of showing us all that she cared and wanted us to be happy, healthy and well fed. She made sure we all knew the recipes she learned as a child that she loved. She passed down little tricks and things that I use in my everyday cooking. I use the same techniques that she did with me as a kid with my kids. I can remember sitting at our kitchen counter on a bar stool watching her cook and looking through a cook book and saying that I wanted to make something. Grandma would go to the store and the next day we would be making it.
My first experience with Red Velvet cake was with her. She even let me make orange butter frosting for some reason and I accidentally put so, so much food dye in it that it looked crazy. No one would eat it. But it was delicious.
It's funny because I was thinking to myself the other day that I can't help but think of her and my family every time I step into my kitchen to cook. I feel best about it when I am cooking for my family, my friends. I feel like I am passing on something that she gave me, a priceless gift. Something that will move forward in everyone, because who doesn't love to eat?!
It's amazing how one woman affected us all so deeply.