Monday, October 5, 2009


Everything. Everything feels absent. Like not necessarily gone, but missing for the day... or longer if need be. I've been absent from this, here. Absent from sharing. I don't even quite know why. It is like I just did not want to do it anymore for a while. I would sit at my computer with my fingers on the pads, all ready to go. But nothing was happening or what did happen I dont like.

Breaks are usually a good way to get rid of that feeling, and after having had that I feel like there is a reason. I feel like my world has shifted quite a bit. You see, when I started this blog I was Wife, Mom, Daughter. Now I am Single Mother, Daughter, Baker, Student. I don't know how this should translate on this blog. Should I talk about my life as I know it or how I want it to be? Both, is what I think. But, should I talk about dating... how uncivilized and wierd the whole thing is. I never really dated too much in high school and then I was with Scott for so long that I don't have any experience with it, at all. Attempting it now is like showing up to school not knowing you had to take a test that day. You feel unprepared and small. You make guesses and sometimes you are right, but more often than not the answer was wrong. So you stumble through it and hope that next time you'll know that test is coming and please God may it be easier than the last one.

Or, perhaps I should tell you about how it is going between Scott and I. Because that answer is way too long, I will save it for another day. The ocmplications, the feelings, the kids, my apartment... this whole thing has a very small almost invisible bright side to it. I don't know how to translate that yet.

The kids though, they are easy. They are loving and beautiful. Smart. Healthy. I dont think I could ask for more. Adrien is talking like crazy. He talks about everything that he does and he talks loud. He likes to be heard.
Isabella, being her brother's sister is just the same. Talking all the time. But she is more of a repeater rather than coming up with her own words.

They do say "I Loouf ya!!" which means I love you... I hope.

Until next time and hopefully sooner

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